Photo by Brian Petersen/Mpls Tribune Skyways? Are they like subways?

Not even close. If you've ever owned hamsters, think of skyways as giant Habitrails – those little tubes that offer a passageway from one plastic enclosure to the next. Architects hate skyways, but real people who work downtown rejoice that they can cover several city blocks on subzero days without donning a jacket. In rain or snow, we're huge skyway fans, but in spring, we prefer to take to the downtown streets, to pick up fresh produce and cut flowers at the farmers' markets and mingle with the throngs of others who enjoy the sunny weather.

Where's Lake Wobegon? If a Minnesotan of long-standing offers to sell you land in this famous town, don't accept. Although Garrison Keillor claims a map-maker's error kept it off of state maps, we have it on good authority that Lake Wobegon is purely a state of mind. But rabid fans who want to make a pilgrimage to Keillor-centric sites may be interested to know that he was born in Anoka in 1942 and graduated from the University of Minnesota in Minneapolis in 1966. After college, he helped start Minnesota Public Radio at St. John's University in Collegeville. That area, near the central-Minnesota city of St. Cloud, seems to fit his Lake Wobegon descriptions better than any other place.

Sometimes local news stories mention Rondo, and I assume they don't mean the short-lived citrusy soft drink. What are they talking about? Located just south of Frogtown in St. Paul, the corner of Dale and Rondo Streets was the heart of the city's African-American community until I-94 split it in half — eliminating Rondo Street — in the 1960s. Local author Evelyn Fairbanks has written a memoir, "Days of Rondo," about growing up in the neighborhood.

Meeting the natives It helps to know who's who:

Princess Kay of the Milky Way No, it's not a joke or a bad sci-fi movie. Dairy princesses from all across the state compete for this annual title in a competition sponsored by the American Dairy Association of Minnesota. Each Princess Kay candidate is honored by having an 85-pound block of butter sculpted into a replica of her head. Watching butter sculptor Linda Christensen work inside a 38-degree cooler is one of the most popular attractions at the Minnesota State Fair.

The 1950s and 1960s were the heyday of locally produced children's TV shows. Some names to know are:

"Clancy the Cop"
John Gallos filled the starring role, and his sidekick Willie Ketcham was played by Allan Lotsberg.

Daryl Laub
This ubiquitous kid-TV star played two clowns, J.P. Patches and T.N. Tatters, and two seafarers, Skipper Darl and Captain Darl.

"Jimmy's Junior Jamboree"
Jimmy Valentine was the host of this talent show. Linda Kelsey, the Shoreview-raised actress who played Billie Newman on TV's "Lou Grant," tells us her brother won the contest to name it.

"Axel and His Dog"
Radio personality Clellan Card was the Scandinavian hermit in the title role. When Card died in 1966, singer Mary Davies, who had appeared on his show as Carmen the Nurse, took over with her own show, "Carmen's Cottage." If you want to shock someone who might have been a Carmen-watching kid, just say "Birdie with his yellow bill / Hopped up on my windowsill." This may elicit the following response: "Cocked his shining eye and said, 'What did you do in St. Louis? Park?'"

Vulcans
Sure, Vulcans are the fictional alien race of Star Trek's Mr. Spock, but the term has a different meaning in St. Paul. Every year St. Paul celebrates winter with a 10-day festival called the Saint Paul Winter Carnival. The event is wrapped in some loopy but fun local mythology – it begins by kicking off the reign of King Boreas – the king of winter – and ends with Boreas being dethroned (warm weather welcomed) by Vulcanus Rex and his Vulcan Krewe. Vulcans dress like devils, with charcoal "goatees" smeared on the lower halves of their faces, and ride around in a fire truck. Locals may remember that in the old days, Vulcans were allowed to "kiss" (in other words, smudge) women's cheeks; in these more politically correct days, they have to ask first. A few years ago, Sweeney's bar in St. Paul started sponsoring its own troupe of Vulcanettes, women who behave in much the same way the all-male Vulcans always have. This move toward gender equity was never officially sanctioned.

Sparky the Seal
Sparky is the name of the performing seal at St. Paul's Como Zoo. When the current Sparky goes to the great seal pond in the sky, a new one is brought in to carry on the name. Long-time Twin Citians may remember buying Sparky figurines, their wax still hot from the molding process, from a vending machine at the zoo.

Kirby
Minnesota dogs, cats and kids have all been named after the chubby Minnesota Twins outfielder who wears number 34. Like Reggie Jackson, Kirby Puckett even has his own candy bar. He overcame a childhood in south Chicago's tough Robert Taylor housing projects and has gone on to become one of the richest men in Minnesota in 1992, signing a five-year, $30 million contract. He's made the baseball All-Star team nine times; won six Gold Gloves, a league batting title and two World Championships; and was the Most Valuable Player of the 1993 All-Star Game and the 1991 American League Championship Series. But Kirby is the all-too-rare hero who deserves to be looked up to for more than his athleticism: He's patient, courteous and involved in the community. In 1993, Baseball America voted him Baseball's Best Role Model and Friendliest Player.

Calvin
Calvin Griffith started out in baseball in 1923 as an 11-year-old batboy for the Washington Senators, the team his adoptive father, Clark, owned. In 1955, when Clark died, Calvin became president of the team, and in 1961, he moved them to Minnesota, where they were renamed the Twins. Plump, plainspoken, penny-pinching Calvin was alternately loved and hated by local fans, but in today's world of astronomical salaries and corporate-owned teams, the consensus is that the baseball world shall not see his like again.

Sid Sid Hartman, the very-long-time sports columnist for the Star Tribune and sports commentator for WCCO Radio, trades on insider tips supplied by an unusual number of "close personal friends," from basketball's Bobby Knight to baseball's George Steinbrenner to football's Lou Holtz to local legend Bud Grant.

Mastering the lingo: "The Mining" and other mysteries

The Mining
Minnesota Mining and Manufacturing, the largest publicly held corporation in the state, is known worldwide as 3M, but state citizens of long-standing still call it The Mining. Its most famous products are Scotch brand tape and Post-It Notes.

The Dales
No we're not talking about the Mondale family. The Dales are four local shopping malls, including the world's first covered shopping center, Southdale, which opened in Edina in 1956. The others are Ridgedale (in Minnetonka), Brookdale (in Brooklyn Center) and Rosedale (in Roseville). Not to be confused with...

The Megamall

No matter how new you are to Minnesota, you must have heard of the Mall of America, complete with its own amusement park, Knott's Camp Snoopy. Bloomington's gargantuan shopping complex opened in 1992, but it had earned its nickname even before it opened. The different levels of the parking ramps are named after states, and after walking the mall's halls you will have no trouble believing you parked in Kansas or Maine.

The Dairy Building
A house can change hands five times and still be identified by its original owner, as in: "You know the Smiths. They live in the Johnson house." The Johnson-house phenomenon is alive and well at the Minnesota State Fair. If you look for the Dairy Building on a fair map, you're out of luck. It's been renamed the Empire Commons, but no one calls it that — Minnesotans prefer the older, simpler name. Pitch the map, and ask anyone over age 15 to point you in the direction of the Dairy Building. Then stand in line (it's long, but it moves fast) to buy a delicious malt (chocolate, vanilla or pineapple) to sip while watching sculptor Linda Christensen carve dairy princesses out of huge blocks of butter.

The U
Short for university, of course, but in Minnesota it refers only to the Twin Cities campuses of the University of Minnesota. A few other local colleges have nicknames too: Macalester College is often just called "Mac," and the College of St. Catherine is commonly known as "St. Kate's." No one calls the University of St. Thomas "St. Tom's," though some graduates do call it "CST," as it was known as the College of St. Thomas until 1990.

The Cities
Whenever you're out of the seven-county metropolitan area, whether you've moved or are just visiting, the Twin Cities automatically become the Cities. Everywhere in Minnesota that is not the Cities is known as outstate Minnesota.

The Fred
When the University of Minnesota's Frederick R. Weisman Art Museum opened in 1993, the stainless steel-sheathed building either shocked, delighted or blinded local residents. Designed by Frank Gehry, the museum has been compared to a crumpled ball of tinfoil. It's unconventional, it's brash, and somehow, Twin Citians took the design to their hearts. And while it's most often referred to as the Weisman, we like the University of Minnesota's newspaper — the Minnesota Daily — suggestion that it be called the Fred.

The freeways
Freeways do not have articles here, as they do in freeway-famous California. You drive on 94, or 394, not the 94. And if you hear there's a tie-up at Spaghetti Junction (there usually is), that doesn't mean it's in an Italian neighborhood. The nickname refers to a tangle of freeways moving traffic in and around downtown St. Paul.

MST3K
Short for "Mystery Science Theater 3000," a hilarious, nationally televised cable program filmed right here in Golden Valley. Mike Nelson, a temporary worker hired by evil Dr. Clayton Forrester, has been shot into space and forced to watch bad movies. With the help of robot pals, Nelson wisecracks about the movies and creates odd inventions. MST3K is a source of local pride because the comedians behind it chose to stay here and produce their own show rather than leave their home for Hollywood. An MST3K feature film was recently made, also shot right here in St. Paul.

Want to come with?
Well, do you? The above is a complete sentence – Minnesotans feel no need to add "me" to the end of the question. Who do you think I'd be talking to anyway? Sheesh.

Dayton's
More than a store, it's a local legend. The Dayton family began in retailing back in 1896 when George Dayton bought a piece of property at 7th and Nicollet Avenue in Minneapolis and opened Goodfellow Dry Goods there. His heirs still control a significant chunk of Dayton-Hudson Corp., a retail giant that includes Hudson's, Marshall Fields, Mervyn's and Target Stores as well as Dayton's. You can get everything from pot stickers to Paris fashions at Dayton's, and if you're not pleased with your purchase, you're likely to be able to return it with no questions asked. Fun fact: B. Dalton was originally an offshoot of Dayton's. (B. stands for books, Dalton is Dayton with one letter changed.) You used to be able to use your Dayton's credit card at B. Dalton until the chain was sold, and you can still use it at Target. Which leads us to...

Tar-zhay
Target Stores are so ubiquitous in America that it's easy to forget that the discount stores are Minnesota-based. And Minnesotans so often shop here that they've jokingly coined a French-sounding pronunciation for the stores. Don't think that telling someone you're going shopping at Target sounds chichi enough? Tell them, tongue in cheek of course, that you're going to "Tar-zhay,: or "Tar-zhay Boutique."

Rubber binder
All right, it's also a rubber band. But it binds things together, doesn't it? It's also okay to just drop the first word and ask for a binder.

3M window insulation
One of the new skills you will learn as a Twin Citian is how to shrink wrap your windows. Buy a 3M window-insulating kit at any local hardware store (or at Tar-zhay Boutique). Read the instructions, tape the plastic to your window frames and get out the hair dryer. The heat of the dryer will shrink the plastic, sealing up your windows like a Twinkie. The barrier is supposed to keep out winter's chill. Strip it off in spring so you can once again open your windows.

Minnesota accent
Minnesotans do not believe we have one. We've been told since birth that we speak as properly as Americans can, and that television newscasters nationwide are taught to speak like us. You newcomers know the truth. You've heard us give ourselves away, mostly by pronouncing Minnesota as "Minnesoh-ta" or slurring Minneapolis into "Minne-a-plis." The further north in the state you travel, the more pronounced the accent becomes. For further reference, read Howard Mohr's "How to Talk Minnesotan", listen to the morning show on WCCO-AM, or watch "Mystery Science Theater 3000," and wait for the actors to spoof the accent in one of their skits.

'CCO
WCCO is both a radio station (830 AM) and a television station (channel 4, CBS), and it has more than its share of nicknames. It's often referred to as 'CCO, an odd affectation considering Twin Citians would never think to say 'STP when talking about WCCO's rival, KSTP. WCCO Radio is also known as the Good Neighbor, and when a winter storm hits, your kids will make sure you tune in to the Neighbor to hear if their school has been closed.

Food terms
The three most common Minnesota food terms are hot dish (for a casserole), bars (baked goods shaped like brownies) and pop (also known as soda pop). You may also run into Nut Goodies and Salted Nut Rolls, two candy bars made by St. Paul's Pearson's Candy Company. Nut Goodies consist of peanuts wrapped around a maple center and dipped in chocolate, and Salted Nut Rolls are peanut bars wrapped around a vanilla center with no chocolate. White Castle hamburgers are another favorite regional food, although the little square burgers are often mocked as sliders or gut bombs. And wild rice, the state grain, often turns up in delicious soups, as well as in the occasional hot dish.

Up north, up to the lake
These two areas are where most Minnesotans vacation in the summer. Many families own cabins on any of the numerous lakes in northern Minnesota and Wisconsin, and whether it's Lake Superior or a nameless puddle, saying you're going up to the lake is universally understood. And although yes, technically we are the second-northernmost state in the union, to Twin Citians "Up North" only means places that are farther north than we are, such as Duluth and the Iron Range.

Minnesota Model
No we're not talking about Christie Brinkley or Lucky "The Shirtless Diet Coke Guy" Vanous. The Twin Cities area is famous for its chemical-dependency treatment programs, such as Hazelden and St. Mary's. The Minnesota Model is the treatment model developed there and used nationwide in 12-step programs.

Minnesota nice
It sounds like a compliment, but to many Minnesotans, them's fighting words. We've gained a reputation here for being extremely polite, reserved people. The phrase has devolved into a bit of an insult because it's often used by those who claim it's a facade, that Minnesotans are just as hard-edged as everyone else, but hide behind an veneer of politeness and an outdated reputation.

Nicollet
Unlike "Tar-zhay," you cannot ever say "Nick-o-lay" Mall unless you want to be laughed at. It's pronounced "NICK-uh-lit," kind of rhyming with Chiclet.

Duck duck, gray duck
If you have small children, this may be the first regionalism they come in contact with. It's a schoolyard game where one child walks around a circle of others, tapping each one on the head and saying "duck." When the child reaches the person they want to chase them, Minnesota children shout "GRAY DUCK!" In other regions, the shout is "GOOSE!" There's no satisfactory explanation as to why the difference — maybe Minnesota kids just see more ducks than geese — but once you've learned the game one way you will strongly resist hearing it called anything else.

Escalator etiquette
If you come to us from a busy city like Washington, D.C., you will be literally thrown off your stride by the behavior on Twin Cities escalators. Here the moving stairs are a place to rest, not to stroll. Most of us expect that everyone else on the conveyance will also want to rest, so we often forget to keep to the right so in-a-rush walkers can stride by us on the left. Often we stand directly next to a friend, making it virtually impossible for impatient folks behind us to get by. But hey, it's going to get you there anyway. What's the rush?

Minnesota flying wedge
Similar to escalator etiquette, this is the name given to what occurs when two cars going the same direction at the same speed drive right next to each other, preventing anyone from passing.

Minnesota state bird
Minnesota state bird
Contrary to all those jovial neighbors who will tell you it's the mosquito, the state bird is the loon. We think it's one of the most distinctive and memorable state symbols of any kind in the nation, and once you've heard its haunting call, you will agree.

Homer Hankies
In 1987, the Twins went to the World Series for only the second time in their existence. Baseball fans nationwide watched the games, and saw what looked like an indoor blizzard, as tens of thousands of Twin Cities fans cheered on the team by waving white handkerchiefs. The hankies were created as a promotion by the Star Tribune, and have since migrated to other sports — Vikings fans have been known to wave Touchdown Towels.

Sports-team nicknames:

Twinkies: The Twins Vikes, Vi-queens: The Vikings Wolves, Woofies, Timberpuppies: The Timberwolves